The Winterthur Library

The Joseph Downs Collection of Manuscripts and Printed Ephemera

Henry Francis du Pont Winterthur Museum

5105 Kennett Pike, Winterthur, DE  19735

302-888-4600 or 800-448-3883

 

 

 

OVERVIEW OF THE COLLECTION

 

Creator:         Foote, Lucinda, b. 1799.                                            

Title:               A common place book containing variety: written in haste without premeditation, by Lucinda Foote while engaged as a matron in Auburn Prison

Dates:             1832-1835, 1846, 1876.

Call No.:         Doc. 246        

Acc. No.:        82x329

Quantity:        1 volume

Location:        31 B 6

 

 

 

BIOGRAPHICAL STATEMENT

 

Lucinda Foote was born on September 30, 1799, in Cornwall, Addison County, Vermont, the daughter of Jared and Lucinda Jennings Foote.  She was a matron at the Auburn Prison in Auburn, New York, for over three years. Lucinda Foote married Judge Henry Day of Indiana on October 16, 1846.  She died on June 16, 1881, in Jonesville, Michigan.

 

 

SCOPE AND CONTENT

 

In this volume, Foote describes her experiences as a matron in the Auburn Prison in New York.  In discussing her work with female prisoners, she remarked that she was shut up for ten hours per day with them "doing all in my power to reclaim them."  When four new inmates arrived from Albany, NY, Foote wrote: "I will do the best I can to save them from ruin."  Continuing, she noted that "they give pretty good attention to prayer, reading the scriptures and instruction but if I touch upon vice they are manifestly displeased or entirely indifferent."  Foote believed that she was treated with respect and kindness by prison officials and responded enthusiastically when a committee of the New York state legislature solicited her opinions about the prison.  Foote enjoyed meeting foreigners who visited the prison and recorded her impressions of some Spanish people who toured on July 25, 1834.

 

Most of her comments, including the last entry from 1876, were religious in nature.  She was especially concerned about salvation.  She also made some political comments and wrote about family concerns.  In an entry dated October 1846, Foote outlined her feelings about her marriage and moving away from family and friends.  Foote family genealogical notes are present in the back of the volume.

         

ORGANIZATION

 

 

LANGUAGE OF MATERIALS

 

The materials are in English.

 

 

RESTRICTIONS ON ACCESS

 

Collection is open to the public.  Copyright restrictions may apply.

           

 

PROVENANCE

 

Purchased from Craig W. Ross.

           

 

ACCESS POINTS

 

            People:

                        Foote family.

 

Topics:

                        Auburn Prison.

                        Prisons - New York (State) - Auburn.

                        Women prisoners.

                        Prisons - Officials and employees.

                        Prison administration - History - 19th century.

                        Single women - Employment.

                        Single women - New York (State) - Auburn - Social life and customs.

                        Marriage - Social aspects.

                        Spaniards - Anecdotes.

                        Religious thought – 19th century.

Political science.

 

                        Commonplace books.

                        Diaries.

                        Prison matrons.

 

           

 

 

 

TRANSCRIPTION:

 

Note: Lucinda Foote’s spelling has been preserved (for the most part), but punctuation has been added in order to make the passages more readable.  Dates (what few there are) have been put into bold print, to make them stand out more.

 

 

Title page: A commonplace book. Containing variety, written in haste without premeditation by Lucinda Foot, while engaged as a matron in Auburn Prison, June 26, 1832 & 1833 – 1834 &

[also some scribbles on title page]

 

Reverse of title page, in pencil: L F. Day – her [illegible] fifteen dol

 

[p.1]

Auburn June 17, 1832

This is an unexpected field of action that I am invited to labour in.  But my Brother, if I can be the means of saving one of those degraded females from pollution in future life And her soul from the facing of the second death I will go, if our Parents are willing. It seems to me that the hand of God is in it for good. 

 

Yes it was very trying to leave the people and the dear Children of my solicitude and care at Ludlowville. But I thought best so to do; tho both Parents and Children were unanimous and urgent in desiring me to return. 

 

My Parents, I should certainly rather live with you, do for and comfort you if I could believe it my duty but I must be useful as far as I can to others and fill up

[p.2]

my days in doing the greatest amount of good possible It is very delightful to be at home; to live in the bosom of the best of parents, and neer those I love, to have my liberty to go and come, as I please, and live at my leisure, but dear Mother I cannot be content with-out employment. I love you but I must go. Well Betsey our visit home was a pleasant one, what a delightful ride[?] it seemed to Father; did you notice his fondness for his daughter when at home. But here we are at Auburn. You to plan your union with Mr Van Anden (I suppose) and I to be shut up ten hours a day with female prisoners doing all in my power to reclaim them. My work is before me. May the God of Jacob strengthen me.

 

Not much trouble yet. They give pretty good attention to prayers, reading the scripture and instruction, but if I touch upon vice they are mani-

[p.3]

festly displeased or ostensibly indifferent. No Sir I am not discouraged or sick of this business. I am not well. Betsey has gone to be married and her prospects are good and I trust she will never have cause to repent. One alone I may soon stand in our family, all married but my youngest brother, youngest sister and myself; nine of us all living, some pious and all moral and respectable men and women [illegible passage – possibly something added later]

 

My parents have been to see me.  Prisoners going out and coming in, and the multiplied trials I have to encounter sometimes almost overcome me. Considerable company called this week.  Gov. Throop came to my Department; he said but little, manifesting a desire that I might effect good in behalf of the female prisoners. Received a letter from Mr. Loy[?], full of kindness and friendship from his dear family and the

[p.4]

rest of the dear friends of Ludlowville, Mr. Van Dugen, Mr Seymour and Mr Dodge. A select committee appointed by the Hon. the Assembly to visit the prisons of our state came three times to see me, at my Department. I was much pleased with them, Their courtesy, the interest they manifested in behalf of the confined female criminals in the state, gained my favour and approbation. I am to write to the committee in Nov.  My interest increases in my business as I learn more of the hypocrisy and guilt of these miserable creatures.

 

I have finished my communication to the Committee and I have learnt how proud I am, have been much interested for the good of a young friend of mine lately and hope by my influence to be the means of saving his soul from death.

[p.5]

See much company at my housing[?] place.  Went to Donation party last evening, very pleasant.  By connection many of them have been to see me lately.  Sister Lovina, what a gay wild girl she is.

 

A fine looking Gentleman that Doct hear [sic] with Doct Morgan this morning.  Judge Spencer from Canandaigua[?] came to my room with the Agent and several other Gentlemen.  Had an excellent sermon last evening

 

What a difference I can discover in the appearance and feelings of the many who call at my room.  Sometimes I am disgusted, sometimes indifferent, sometimes pleased, sometimes delighted,

sometimes edified, and on the whole I trust I am benefited.  The Ex-Governor Granger[?] and his daughter have just left me. 

 

[p.6]

I had a strange visit at Ludlowville indeed, for I talked, heard, laughed, wept, and my friend, did so to [sic].  My days went by as a moment while there.  My friendship how strong for that people, those children, how well I love them.

 

I have much to comfort me and yet I am sad. To wedding I went last evening Mr Dulsifer[?] to Miss Amsed[?], very good match, glad of it.

 

A call from Dr Bigalow and Mr Crane; the evening passes pleasantly away. 

 

Had a pleasant visit at home Have[?] a Mr Capron and a Mr Brient, so my acquaintances multiply.  Had a delightful ride in the Telegraph on my return.  A Gentleman from NY City of piety and intelligence was

 

[p.7]

sociable and familiar. 

 

Found all things well on my return to Auburn. The women glad to see me. Mr Dulcifer[?] and wife board at the col’s..  My Auburn friends say a great deal about my being married, and would try to persuade me against my inclination but I have no desire to marry any one at present. And I must act my pleasure.

I get along pretty well in temporal matters

 

Good sermon, and many religious privileges[?] but I am sensible that I do not profit by them as I ought.

 

Was much gratified, and I trust benefited, by truth delivered yesterday. My inward trials are very great. Scepticism and infidelity, unbelief and love,

[p.8]

temptations to my proud heart. Sometimes they well nigh overcome me. Confinement is a test and burden today.  I would like to have more time to think.  I read a good deal but I have so many different things to do and the strangest and worst set of females to manage that live in a land of gospel light.  I think sometimes I shall never learn any more. And I am so weary when I get them locked up and am at liberty that I cannot think and I fear I shall never know anything more about myself. 

 

Well now friend B would comfort me a little.

In all[?], to must compliment me today but they cannot make me blind to my faults or folly.

 

[p.9]

I would like to travel but I cannot think it best to go east with --- [dashes in original] for reasons best known to myself. 

 

This is a strange moment. Col Lewis removed from his Office with reasons of such little weight.  I hope he will act wisely, and the majority of Inspectors must take care of their own responsibility.  Our keepers act some as I feel, as if they knew not what to say or do out of prison.  I am half crazy and half sick.  I hope to do right notwithstanding, but it will be a miracle if I steam straight through these shoals and quicksands. 

 

I like the appearance of that Gentleman and Lady. 

An introduction to our new Agent; he seems pleasant.

 

[p.10]

Rode home with the Agent and dined with him and his family. Went to Col. Lewis’s, met family.  All pleasant but I felt bad[?], begin to feel sick my mind much disturbed. 

 

Saw Mr Hinman, told him how I meant to do, and what I in conscience could not do.  Saw brother David and advised[?] with him.  The new Agent has moved and I am to board with them.  The family are different from Col. L. but I think I shall be content, at least.  Went to Lyceum Room with Mr Holms, heard a lecture on Phrenology. 

 

Just seen Dr. C, he brought me Comb’s Essay on Phrenology according to Drs. Gall and Spurzheim [i.e. George Combe’s Essays on phrenology, or An inquiry into the principles and utility of the system of Drs. Gall and Spurzheim] and the Dr.’s Craninum.  I guess I shall be wise now. 

 

About half sick and my mind not at all at ease. 

 

[p.11]

Went to prayer meeting, did not fell happy.  My girls sick, and I have had much trouble of late of every kind almost that I quite Sick yesterday did not go to Church.  That is a congress man, is he[?] well, he looks smart but his principle may not be right.  The Ladies that came with Mr Steel pleased me very much.  I wonder if I ever interest strangers.  I am often interested with persons that I only see for a moment.  The young Gentleman illegible] with Mr Dunham this morning I was pleased with one, he was very hansome.  A party with Mr Noyes appeared well. Not well pleased with such illegible] and flirts. 

 

Several things of late have combined that have affected my health and spirits considerably.  A fearfulness and sadness hang about my heart. 

 

[p.12]

Feel grateful for kindness which the Gentlemen Officers show me.  Have and still live on terms of general friendship. 

 

I often feel unpleasant and sometimes think I shall be censured and judged wrongfully by some nice or particular piece for I am very sociable and I have to pass often by the keepers, talk with the Agent, Chaplain, and Clerk & sometimes with other Gentlemen.  And much of my business with them must from nesity[sic, i.e. necessity] be of a private character. 

 

Mr Bostwick says never mind you have done nothing wrong yet. 

 

The Chaplain tells me not to be troubled as[?] suspicion does not lurk in the mind of any nor cannot from anything I do. The Agent knows how it is but in

 

[p.13]

a half sport says do not look so sad, You have nothing to fear.  Your duty you must do lines[?] You do no more.  So I try to do right and go along strait as I can.  And as I have been blessed heretofore, hope for time to come.

 

Cannot walk to see my friends.   Rode to Col L's, had a delightful visit.  How I love the dear family. Walter says Foote Foote, stay with us, live with us again.  A sweet child, went to sleep on my lap.  Felt hard when I left them all.  Like the present Agent and his family better than I did at first. 

 

Col. L, Mother and Sister from New Jersey, New Brunswick City, are here, like them.  Expect the Governor everyday.  Hundreds go through the prison every day.  The season pleasant and healthy, whole parties of thirty [possibly twenty] or more go in companies from

 

[p.14]

place to place for pleasure.  I should like to travel if I was rich and could do good by it.  Had a pleasant party at our house yesterday.  Elder Wicoff & his Lady were here, they are very pleasant and Mrs W. is a genteel woman. 

 

Company came to room richly dressed but they looked solemn and I was highly pleased with them. 

 

Sometimes I am no pleased but rather disgusted. And led to wonder how it can be possible that the most of mankind know so little, And very many persons of high standing in society, of science, of wealth and talent to seem to be wanting altogether in common politeness.

 

Well now friend B you have done well this time.

 

[p.15]

Col. D and family are becoming like friends to me. No person is more susceptible of friendship than myself  A favour shown me is never forgotten bu remembered with tenderness on my part. 

 

Have some trials that I must bear alone. 

 

Am treated with respect and kindness by all the Officers of the Prison. 

 

Just seen the Fuzillers, never have deformity appear in such taste and elegance before; order in Confusion, And Dignity without title[?].  Personages represented both male and female in a good style of ridicule. 

 

Fanny Right Lady Royal and Miss P Trollof pretty well done.  All sober still through the day. 

 

[p.16]

Every thing with me passes so rapidly that I often think all is a dream. My health is impaired, and I dare not think deeply, my nerves being weak.  I regret that my time passes with so little benefit to my mental and religious improvement. 

 

My Father came yesterday to see me; dear man, how it comforts me to see him tho it be but a moment.  The Governor, ex-Governor with 30 other gentlemen came to room.  I had an interview with the governor; I like his appearance much. 

 

Some Gentlemen from Albany I was made acquainted with, Col. L. attention in the affair made me proud some.  A congressman Col. D. introduced me to, with which I was pleased. 

 

[p.17]  [note: the following entry seems to have been written in late summer 1833.]

I have seen many Gentlemen & many Ladies within 15 months, from England, France, Scotland, the Canadas and from all populous cities of our own dear land.  But the President did not come to Auburn, and I was some disappointed at not seeing him Black Sherwle[?] I did not see, and my curiosity was interested again. 

 

My health has returned; I am not ungrateful for this blessing.  My dear dear Brother Buell, do I see you again after two years and a half, absence.  Yes it is yourself, in all your kindness, in all your love, in your faithfulness.  I see you and hear from your lips words which always made piety appear lovely & true.  I rejoice that the work of the Lord prospers under your ministry. 

 

[p.18]

May the Lord give you many souls for your [illegible].  How well dear Brother talked to David. How he prayed for him and his family.  The Lord hear his prayer to their salvation.  Brother Brother B is poor as to this worlds goods, but rich in faith.  I trust He has gone, dear man, have I seen you depart.  I wish I could see your wife and the dear children May you all be blessed of God. 

 

Feel sad today. 

 

Something troubles me again.  Wish all my friends felt towards each other as I feel toward them. 

 

Went to Col L., had a good visit but I was made to feel some indignation at the unkindness and meanness of a person who I have to meet occasionally.  And I can hardly bear it.

 

[p.19]

Another Sabbath and I rode to church; feel quite well again; did not enjoy the day as I should have done.  Monday September 30th 1833.  My birthday, how long I have lived to little or no purpose.  I think I had better begin anew my life. A pleasant day, and I never felt better as to health and was never doing better as to business in my life. But I am afraid of prosperity.  I am so full of pride, ambition, love of fame, that I am prone to forget God and the favour he confers on me and my own unworthiness.  Sister L. is here, well she is a good sister.  I wish I could do more for her than I can. 

 

Oct 25th  This month has been somewhat eventful to me, I have seen three of my charge go into the world again, liberty is theirs

 

[p.20]

and temptation surrounds them, but I hope they will be kept from all evil.  I feel very much for them.  Many things have occurred relative to myself that have served to teach me my own and others peculiar qualifications and propensities.   I have been studying and observing relative to a better acquaintance with this subject partly because I take comfort in knowing and partly because I think I may be more useful. 

 

I have received several communications lately but I have felt little inclination to write; my mind has not been settled or fixed but comparing and computing everything in or about the moral[?] or natural or physical world. 

 

[p.21]

I am not very happy in or contented with myself, nor am I very much disturbed. 

 

I have seen many people lately; not very much pleased with some things, that I can't help. 

 

Like my new home better and better but do not forget Col. L family.  Must see them soon. 

 

Have not so much enjoyment in spiritual things as I have enjoyed; don't know but my situation has a tendency as to destroy heart searching[?] piety. 

 

Capt. Clark; I was very glad to see him. 

 

A lady called who appeared to know me well but I could not recollect her name. She appeared very smart. 

 

[p.22]

I have been distressed somewhat lately at the difficulty I find in fixing my attention and in finding matter and thought so that I could write with facility.  In studying the faculties I suppose as far as I can judge of myself that I possess to some small degree 26 of the 33 of all the faculties; some of the lower and some of the higher I do feel conscious of possessing. But I feel an aversion to application of any kind that I never felt before and my knowing and reasoning faculties seem shut up.  I feel often a frustration of mind that is painful and humiliating to me. 

 

I am so proud that when I detect a fault or discover a folly or want of

 

[p.23]

wisdom that I am ready for a moment to give up and say all is lost.  My foibles magnify and I think everyone knows what a fool I am, and it makes me wretched for a time, and until I can let go for a little my hold on this world (its honors more particularly) and revise my thought, and place my affections supremely on the glories of Heaven, the Christian’s only permanent good, I have no peace. This explanation and faith having been done I go on my way rejoicing again.

 

My time how swiftly it passes away.  Winter has come, December’s cold winds howl around my Prison home.  But I am not a Prisoner, nothing but sin holds me in bondage, my soul is not free from its shackles.  I hate it, I am sure, and yet I find in my

 

[p.24]

unsanctified nature a proneness to it.  In many things I go astray.  I always was desiring some forbidden object that I imagined would advance my happiness.  And yet this desire seldom made me unhappy or discontent only for a moment.  And so it is now.  When I have overcome some obstacle which stands in the way to happiness, another presents itself.  When I have submitted to some deprivation, my heady pride will not let me be flattered long or comforted much, for some deformity appears to disturb my tranquility.  And I do not believe I shall ever be satisfied with myself, and I am not wholy so with any one else.  I have seen some persons who seem [to – omitted] think they are the nearest right of any body, who never seem to be at war with any thing they do and these

 

[p.25]

persons will do things which I dare not allow; they are the standard for others in their own eyes.  I sometimes envy them, but will do it no more for I would not be blind to my faults, even if I do not cure myself of them.

 

Jan 1st 1834

Another year has gone and here I am in the business as last Jan. My health is very poor, or I have none; it has gone, left me to droop and wane, but I hope I shall not murmur.

 

I have some trials in my business that is not felt by any one; the Agent is a man of feelings and sympathy and does all in his power to lighten my burden.  And he is Just to; he understands how to be merciful & to maintain discipline to[sic].

 

[p.26]

M Dunham the Agent treats me as I like to be treated.  When I ask his assistance or advice he is ready to attend to it; when I suggest a plan or measure he considers it; and when I do right he knows it, and he is not afraid to let others understand it.  His own Glory is not in danger of being tarnished by giving me my due. 

 

How others may feel towards him I can't say.  And all I know of him I have learnt by seeing him a kind indulgent husband, a good father, a tender son and brother, And as an officer assiduous and just in his duties, looking to every part & with some care for the reformation of those confined. 

 

[p.27]

He is willing to assist me in all things tending thereto. 

 

The agent has gone to Albany on prison business And Col Culver does very well for me. I think Mrs. Dunham a very good woman.  She does not try to make any display but she possesses good sense and is just and friendly in her deportment, very precise indeed in all she does and says; few know her worth hid under her modesty.  I never see so still & discreet a family; and seldom have I seen children managed better.  I believe my capacity for friendship enlarges as the avenues for love contracts, for I do not forget the kindness of former friends or grow indifferent [to – omitted] their interest.  All whom I once knew as friends, I can call to mind and as deeply

 

[p.28]

interest myself in their behalf as ever.  I live over former days and services[?]; often I form new friendship, become strongly attached, and then necessity of some kind compels a separation, but not of feeling.  I have had as many friends & been compeled to tear myself from those I loved as often as any one, I am sure, Never allowing myself to be suspicious.  I have regained[?] myself at every fountain where kindness has flowed for pride[?], caution, conscientiousness, or some other power controlled my general conduct, so that I had not liberty to commit any very great error untill reflection would find her tribunal, and then self command linked by reason [illegible] failed to bring me of a virtuous conqueror over my own heart and its most violent passions. 

 

[p.29]

Many things grieve me, and a sad foreboading dampens my joy- I do not think I am as happy as I have sometimes been.  I do not feel comforted by Gospel as I generally have been.  I am sensible that the Cisterns I have hewn out can hold no water, And yet I cling to them like a drowning man to a straw. 

 

Col Dunham came from Albany and brought 4 female prisoners; well I will do the best I can to save them from ruin. 

 

Col D. how do you do sir. My health is gone and I know not what to do. 

 

Well, Col, you will take the keys for the day I can not sit up. Monday better some here in my room.

 

[p.30]

April 1st [1834]  What distress I have felt for 4 weeks past. Never in my life have I felt so much like giving up to anguish and sorrow of heart as I have lately.  All is dark, not a ray of hope of a temporal kind to gladen or cheer me.  Affliction has at last found a dagger to pierce my heart, it has found ways to the very bosom of my dear dear brother.  Oh Eli, if death had torn from your sight the first love of heart, your once doting wife, the wound would have been deep and dreadful, but to see her a menice, to hear her accusations, but I forebear, I cannot record that which makes me sad, kills my comfort.  How delusive every charm 10 years ago, what a joyful union. All lovely in the morning of youth,

 

[p.31]

the happy pain did not dream of a day like this, mutual in their love, one in every wish, they had enough[?] to hope and expect.  Death first cut of the loveliest flower of six years growth, it laid her in the tomb; next the sweet infant fell a sad victim to its relentless hand. Two lovely boys are left to comfort a Father’s heart; but when the tender wife, without any apparent reason, she hates the fond husband and sometimes the children of her love And takes a frantic delight in tormenting him and neglecting them. Oh wretched me, can I be happy while that dear brother’s heart reeks with anguish.

 

What now is the matter with that young friend I have so long loved with a sisterly tenderness? Well I trust with L all is

 

[p.32]

as she would have it. Is it so, does she seem content. Yes as to that. Then I am. Cousin M is pensive, poor girl. I apprehend some evil for her.  I am astonished at my own fears. What new scene of sorrow is to break out upon me.  O Lucy can't you recall your reason and comfort us again.  I will try to be calm at least, Betsey, but can we bear all this?  I know it is for sin and we deserve it.

 

I am about to go home, that once happy home, how sad the change death has not been there; but joy has departed with reason.  I found all well and Lucy some better.  Brother took her to her parents.  What a severe hurt I got in my fall from the carriage.  Sick and lame I have returned.

 

[p.33]

Never left home with so heavy a heart.  All of our family feel sad and sorrowful indeed, and in truth my young blooming sister has lost her full joy and sadness corrodes her heart.  A simultaneous feeling of deep sorrow fills all our families in our branches, for sympathy is the inmate of every bosom & let one be afflicted and all feel it.  When prosperity lights our path all rejoice; when affliction, all mourn.  But the character of my brother afflicted[?] will bear the closest scrutiny; he has no need to blush or be ashamed.  All that’s amiable and lovely in nature, All that could combine to make him what the son, the brother, the husband, the father, should be are centered in him.  Conscientiousness was never put to the blush

 

[p.34]

by him; but stop - I shall complain and murmur, and sin more and more in so doing.  May my brother repair to the Cross of Christ for comfort & rest there.

 

My health has fallen a victim to care, labor, and affliction.  Could I see it return that I might enjoy the privilege of meetings And company as I once did.  But all is well, just, and right And I hope for eternal joy. 

 

Col Dunham left the prison April 7[?], 1834, and Col Lewis came back.  A new set of Inspectors; not the least fault was found with Col D., but Col. L’s friends[?] have said should be replaced & they succeeded to their wishes. 

 

The new Inspectors have just here to see me.  Well, a new start[?] to All things move by the propel[?] of party[?] spirit. 

 

[p.35]

I will do duty and study [illegible] with all men. 

 

I have many things to try my feelings but what I can’t cure, I will patiently endure.

 

I have seen many people, and some of the smartest, most intelligent & the greatest and the best that live in these United States, but I seem them so short a time that I am not much benefited.

 

Strange movement to be sure, but party[?] must govern, let the result be what it may.  It is evident that no other consideration but some political obligations or personal considerations influence the movements of most men in this age of party[?] strife[?]

 

[p.36]

Isabella Smith

This interesting lady died at Canandagua female seminary. She was for several years a most successful teacher in this institution.  In the summer of 1842 I believe, she wrote her name at my request in Auburn Prison. Lucinda Foote

 

[some words at bottom of page have been crossed out; seem to have been written later]

 

[p.37]

Give my love to all and tell them not to forget me in [illegible] years[?].

Kiss me quick and go[?] my honey.

 

[p.38]

July 10th 1834

My health is improving and my flaging spirits make an effort to rise.  But all is not as it should be, and I do not submit very readily to things that might be remedied. 

 

Never found it so difficult to wait the results of events as I do now. 

 

Company at tea; I must and will be cheerful. 

 

To a wedding[?] party .  Well, I will go- I was more gay and wild then I have been on any occation for years.  Col. L and the married gentlemen were determined to see how full of music and hylarity I could be.  But these things are not comfort. 

 

[p.39]

Some company today that did not please me much. 

 

Have to see some persons, And to be polite to them too, that I dislike very much.  It is not difficult for me to see such persons occationly [i.e. occasionally], but to be necissiated to see them & often to have to appear friendly or intimate is to much for my frankness to grapple with, and hold my peace - And I must not speak - Well perhaps it will learn me a lesson on self denial.  I will try to profit by all things good and bad. 

 

Wish I was nearer perfection. 

 

[p.40]

July 15th 1834 

Susan, that Uncle of yours all youthful in appearance, And wise in conversation, with his tall beautiful figure, is certainly very prepossessing; in spite of my dimness[?], I could not be wholy indifferent to his attentions.  I was not charmed or flattered; but the girl free and light as the last rays of the fifteenth setting sun were to me, bounded and leaped through every pulsation, and for one moment I forgot all the by gone years that have destroyed my youth and blasted hope and constituted me a contended lonely maiden.  But accustomed to self control I was not permitted to stain my resolution. I know it my dear, but once subdued I feel more joy in this constraint them I should in the indulgent of hopes that my better judgement could not allow.  So I live, and cheerfully to.

 

[p.41]

July 16th 1834

Two Gentlemen and a lady, the Lady not prepossessing in her appearance; the Gentleman I admired.  What a countenance that black eyed youth had; he brought to mind my cousin dead.  What an interest I felt for the young gentleman, probably 25, I know not why it is so, but I wish I knew his name, his profession, his principles, but I am destined to see, and admire; but never to be admired by one or any one that I could love.  Strange composition of mind I possess, and strange trials I have to encounter. 

 

Now my resignation is to be tested again.  Why am I thus perplexed?  May I be able to rise superior to all sublunary[?] scenes and if need

 

[p.42]

be surmount every difficulty, And my virtue gain strength at every trial, And I be the better fitted for all that awaits me in life. 

 

Mr Greene, how do you do sir, And friend Jonathan to.  Well Gentlemen glad surely to renew our former acquaintance.  All has been well I hope.  Well we will see you with pleasure Gentlemen. 

 

Something I have just hear troubles me.  I hope the time will come when justice will shine more conspicuous and party spirit and dark greed[?] will be put down. 

 

Col L you would tease me if you could but my fancy and judgement must both approve before I take a step of so much importance. 

 

[p.43]

Yes my dear parents, I feel for that dear brother and for you, and rejoice that you are where you can comfort him.  Let wisdom direct with tenderness in all that is done or said to the dear frantic woman, and may the Lord bless you all.  My parents have left me.  How I love them, how every sorrow of theirs twines around my heart and rends my bosom with anguish.  And a weight of grief to dreadful to my feeling to dwell upon rests upon me at present.  O could I remove it, but I must bear it.   My spirits sink and can hardly forbear to cry out; all, all is against me.  I am interested in the lecture, but so full of grief am I that I fear I shall not retain as much of what I hear as I should like to.  Never was my mind filled with so many & opposite subjects as now.  And if I can control it now without its

 

[p.44]

becoming impaired I shall think it is a miracle.  My health droops under it, memory staggers, and reason seems struggling for the mastery[?].  Oh dearest[?] me, not ye faculties of the mind that have constituted me in nature, all I am leave me not to wild delusion, to wretchedness and despair. 

 

July 20th 1834 

My days are full of care and business And of sorrow to.  My nights are restless, and almost sleepless, so that I long for the morning. And all this trouble is not for or on account of self either, not a tear or sigh, not a pang for myself to grant.  Often I long for a lodge in the wilderness, for I must look cheerful act, comformably to a light heart or be judged wrongfully, for most people

 

[p.45]

think self is concerned deeply, personally[?] if the heart is sad.  But not so with me; my individual trials I can bear alone without a murmur, but let a dear relative or a dear friend be troubled, and my heart desolves with anguish.  The fountain of joy seems dried up, And it is only by continual effort that I can bring my mind to submission. 

 

I am glad that my business keeps me diligent, body and mind - this serves to poise the mind - And is a great advantage to me.  My comfort in religion is a strength[?] and support which nothing else could supply.

 

[p.46]

July 25th 1834 

Just parted with 2 gentlemen and 2 ladies who were from France.  I presume they were French, very polite indeed and very smart.  One of the gentleman was a fine looking person, quite a youth but tall and manly with countenance and eye that might charm a stoick mind frozen by the winter of 45.  How the mind will fluctuate and change.  And mine is delighted when giving to individuals attentive information or when receiving it from others.  I was indeed delighted with that company and forgot amidst the ease & politeness and all else that plainly marked their superiority of birth, fortune, and wisdom, my own ignorance or want of accomplishment, and feeling at perfect liberty acted as I should have done had they been my friends. 

 

[p.47]

July 25 1834

Some Spanish gentlemen & ladies went through the Prison & came to my room.  I showed them the Chapel.  They could not all talk English.  They were very genteel, well dressed, and very easy in their manners.  And fine looking, intelligent, and as interesting a company as have ever met with.  The young man had a countenance & eye that well nigh riveted my attention, A figure tall and graceful, noble and dignified, without haughtiness in his appearance.  I was more than delighted, not charmed with that feeling which begets foolish fondness, but interested in such a manner that time will not efface the recollection of his every feature.  Could I know that his talents would be properly appropriated, that he would be all he might

 

[p.48]

and that he would glory in bearing the Cross of Christ and so be prepared to inherit a Crown of Eternal life, then I would rejoice.  I shall see him no more till the great day of the Lord. 

 

A large party at our house last evening.  Some difference of feeling I could discover, but I think none felt as I did.  I was not sad, neither was I gay.  I felt willing to be an observer of the conduct of others And hardly desired notice.  My friends were all ready to impart pleasure and bestow attention for me, And I received it with a pleasure that told my heart that worldly comfort was not for me, that higher joys were in store, And unfading treasures were renewed in the mansions of rest for me, unworthy as I felt myself to be. 

 

[p.49]

Mr Axtil [possibly Axtell] gave us two excellent sermons Sabbath, one on the omniscence of God, the other on the duty of Christians or the importance of being engaged for the Glory [of – omitted] God and salvation [of – omitted] man. 

 

Went last evening to see Mr Dunham, his wife & children; had a good visit. 

 

Lewis & Betsey got home.  Well, the news they could communicate was like cold water to a thirsty soul.  Lucy is better - dear sister - may her reason never leave her again. Cousin to well I hope for the best still.  What a good brother Lewis is to come and tell me all the news tonight, 

 

July 30th 1834 

The Committee to inspect the prisons has come.  I have just seen them only for a moment. 

 

[p.50]

Feel sad this afternoon.  And I am struggling to be submissive to wrong that I cannot control. 

July 31st 1834 

Feel depressed in spirits and know not how to proceed relative to the matter that depresses me.  Wish I was wise as a serpent and as harmless as a dove. 

 

August 1st, 1834 

Went to prayer meeting last evening; felt refreshed in spirit.  But I am sick today and not as content as I should be. 

 

Doct. Morgan called for the first time to see me since his removal.  I forbear saying what I might.  Read some remarks in the Democrat. Well let the waters rumble and foam[?] clear the fountain by & by, and then we shall see the root of bitterness more distinctly. 

 

[p.51]

What do we do see now but self in every Department of State from the President to the constable; from the head of every moneyed institution to the gov't.  All must move under the same political colours and blink[?] with their heads turned the same way.  This is freedom bound by those kind of chains that fetter mind and bring sentiments into bondage.  I must confess that I think our sons of liberty had better not boast of being in a land where every man can do as he please.  And if some change does not take place in this country that will destroy party spirit and all its concomitant evils.  We shall soon be in bondage to give ours to be bound[?]. And who can tell the awful result. 

 

Well I am disturbed again, every day something disturbs my fear[?];  it was not so once, all was [thought not completed]. 

 

[p.52]

August [illegible], 1834 

My dear brother Jared, how glad I was to see him, one of the best of brothers, a good physician.  All he needs to make him all that man should be is piety & a little more ambition or desire to be what he might.  He brought his two oldest daughters & only son, three fine, smart children as I ever wish to see.  Staied only a short time, felt bad to have them go so soon.  After he was gone, I was thrown back by reflection to the days of my childhood & youth when nine dear brothers and sisters sat with their beloved parents and grandmother by the same fire, had the same interest; fond memory - how it lingers round those halcyon days of joys departed.  How fondly and reverently we loved our aged grandparent,

 

[p.53]

how indulgent and kind was she to us, and yet she tempered her fondness with wise counsel.

How fond of our parents, and never was parents more deserving.  How we loved each other; did ever a sister have cause to love more than I?  What pleasure it gives me now to think of our mutual joys; how we divided the spoil as we drank deep of the rich harvest gathered from our oneness of feeling.  But the day came my brothers left one by one, and in few short years four of them were married, then I left two sisters married, and now only three of the nine are single, and all of us have different employments and occupations, Separate interests; but our love is mutual and unbroken; time does not weaken it; absence does not kill it; no, love like ours founded in nature, strengthened

 

[p.54]

[by – omitted] proper teaching and fixed on objects worthy and by principles nurtured, will last till death cut the tie assunder.  I wish, ardently wish, all of us were the children of God so then death would not divide.  Eternity would continue our love begun on earth. 

 

I am very tired.  I do not have all things as convenient as I might if some folks would do as they would like to be done to. 

 

Felt bad & sick all day, not ezently[? perhaps meant exactly] pleased. 

 

August 8th [1834] 

Had some calls at my room.  All the Gentlemen & Ladies pleased me.  Mr Seward & a lady, her name I forget.  I was delighted with her, so much the lady, so much of consistent feeling & interest for these degraded females. 

 

[p.55]

I could not but love her. 

 

Mr Seward to is one of those gentlemen that can show his wisdom without putting all around him into a shade of inferiority, none of that empty puff which I have so often to see & that is so disgusting to good sense and good breeding. 

 

That Gentleman and lady from N.Y. City I did admire.  What affability of manners con[illegible] with good sense, how different from a vilage flirt, or a vilage matron who has risen from nothing to be the wife of some petty officer or merchant, not worth a farthing but they can dress because they can get trusted[?] and so they are fine birds.  Perhaps some of these great ones may be a little better of [sic, off is meant] to property but they act very

 

[p.56]

silly I think.  I have the liberty to condemn wrong if I do not personify. 

 

I hope I shall learn wisdom from the folly of others; And avoid the errors I see - May I never be so impolite as to engross all the conversation, as well as I like to talk.  May I never offend unnecessarily or wound only where I can heal nor then unless it be for good. 

 

August 9th 1834

Just written to David; Saw him yesterday.  I feel very independent today, And if I am successful in my plans I will write to my good friend soon.  I have had a long dark day, perhaps it will be sunshine a while.  Thus the wheel rolls round and prosperity scatters[?] her handfuls as she pleases, And it would not be strange if I should

 

[p.57]

be favored a little by & by. 

 

I did enjoy the company last evening.  Went well considering the occation and the number. 

 

Saturday evening the Mr Cranes were here.  I was better pleased than I sometimes am with the company of youth.  Something I discovered in every person present which denoted a want of consideration but it only made self and human nature look just what they are.  I wonder we are so slow to learn and so unmindful in the using of our knowledge as we are.  If always guarded, we might render ourselves more acceptable & useful to man and ensure a blessing from God.

 

A good sermon by Mr Eaton from Buffalo, Sunday pm, August 17th 1834 

 

Saw for the first time the Rev. Mr. Foote of Salina, a distant relative of mine. 

 

[p.58]

The Rev. Mr Foote and the Rev Mr Beech stop here during commencement.  I am pleased with them both.  Mr Marsh: dear sir, I am very glad to see you, twenty minutes, how short the time.  The real pleasure I took with this Rev friend[?] in 20 minutes exceeded the comfort of hours in the company of some persons, even of wisdom and piety.  O lines of rapture filled me as we each spoke of interests and friends that lay near our hearts.  He is what he always was to me, a friend confident, and Christian brother.  I lived a day in the time I was with him and it seemed but a moment.  The parting, he has gone, I may never see him more.  I feel thankful to hear that dear brother Buell & family are well; hope Brother & Mr Marsh may be abundantly blessed in the Ministry of Christ. 

 

[p.59]

Have been delighted, instructed, and & I hope benefited by the several addresses of the young men, the students of Theology.  Hope the institution will prosper, and this school of the Prophets send forth its hundreds to gladden the heart of all people & all nations.

            [Note: Auburn Theological Seminary, affiliated with the progressive elements in the Presbyterian Church, was founded in 1818 in Auburn, New York.  In 1939, it moved to New York City.]

 

The Ministers who spoke in behalf of the Education Society did admirably.  Mr Patten is the most commanding speaker.  All the eloquence of nature with a well poised zeal fixed the audience with wrapt attention, and all must have felt the force of truth as portrayed by him. 

 

August 21, 1834 

 

Saw my dear father yesterday a little while.  And brother Eli, his dear wife is considerably better; he bears his affliction with a fortitude beyond my expectation altogether.  The Lord bless him more and more. 

 

[p.60]

A great many calls yesterday.  Clergymen and their wives & others.  Was pleased with all persons who came to my room.  Mr Hills & Sister called.  Mrs. Dwight was with them. 

 

Many things interest me at present.  I wish I accomplish two things; hope I am not wrong in my feelings.  May I be submissive, let it be as it may. 

 

I write considerable but can not compose with that precision and conciseness that I could wish.  I should like to do all I do in the very best manner but I come very far short of it. 

 

My mind is troubled; if right, I should like to relieve it.  I am in danger of being governed by my ambition, but if wrong many my way be hedged up. 

 

[p.61]

Was very glad to see and visit with Doct Foote and Lady & many Dear friends; it made me desirous to see all my Ludlowville friends.  The Drudes [i.e. Druids] or priests possessed great authority among the Ancient Britons.  Alfred & Edward were sons of Ethelred by Emma, sister of Richard 2d, king of Normandie in France.  Edwin & Edward sons of Edmond king of England.

The Mahometans took Jerusalem 1065.

 

Sultan Solyman the greatest and most accomplished prince that ever set on the Ottoman throne. 

 

Richard was 4[?] from [illegible] who was the [illegible] over the Normans in France.

 

[p.62]

 

The Lutheran princes because they protested against the votes passed by the imperial diet received the appellation of Protestants. 

 

Commenced reading Hume’s history In Oct.  The time gone by, fled like the weavers shuttle.  My birth day, Sept 30th, I had some relentings and strange kind of feelings.  The year that had passed had been one of unprecedented trial to me.  All my temporal affairs, my business, my mind and feelings, had been such that all with me seemed to me a confused dream.  Some gleam of comfort I could trace - A little improvement

[p.63]

I could discover - with a sad heart I exclaimed, all is vanity.  Where is the fruit of righteousness, which should have born testimony to the Glory of my Redemer.  My heart is cold and insensible.  Oh that the breezes of divine love would blow from the south and warm and for[?] it, that I might honor God by awaking to the faithful discharge of every duty.  Hope the providence of God towards me will be full of mercy the coming year.  May I be sanctified more and more.  May I do right, feel right, bear all, suffer all, and endure all with patience.  If adverse winds blow, may I have grace to support me.  If prosperity shower down her blessings, may gratitude fill my bosom. 

 

[p.64]

How sick I am of human glory; it passes away and leaves no trace behind.  Honour deserved passes not away thus; does it not live in the memory of after generations?  Yes: who of us do not revere the name of a Washington, a Lafeyette, and many of the Heroes whose disinterestedness cost the sacrifice of property, comfort, home, and even life.  Where has fled the spirit of these our Fathers? Surely but few of his sons of this generation possess it.  Selfishness seems to be the governing principle of men generally, party spirit governs all our Elections.  Men held up for Office are those who seek it: puffed by by self confidence and supported by the voice of a people whose sentiments are corrupted (if they

 

[p.65]

have any) by the dishonesty of the press, or falsehood mingled with truth, until darkness obscures the light. 

 

Just written a letter to Brother Jared; don’t know what he will think of it, but I could not dissemble. 

 

Politicks run high; such contending and commotion is not honorable in America's free born sons, but it must needs be, but wo to those who cause it. 

 

My mind is in peculiar situation.  One day I will read, think, hear talk & feel on political subjects with a deep intense interest; the next perhaps the spread of Rominism by the aid of Foreign wealth, the scattering of foreigners among our thinly peopled territories distresses exceedingly.  The welfare of our country in all interests is that which calls forth all my

 

[p.66]

energies of thought, and would do more if not cramped by my situation.  Well, Jared, you reason well, your letter is a good one. 

 

Went to David’s.  Jared and wife there, had a good visit; five of us brothers & sisters, with a brother & two sisters in law, spent the night together.  Jared, I think, is serious and religiously concerned.  Well now I am back to my room and to the dull monotony of looking after these female prisoners again.  I feel very much for the spiritual welfare of the dear brother and all of them and my dear sister Lovina to. 

 

Do not feel much like penning my thoughts.  Can’t do it very well for they flow fast and are disconnected, And as serious as to subject as the circum-

 

[p.67]

stances about and in which I am concerned will warrant. 

 

Lovina is very gay and wild, but Joseph has good sense and is very industrious.  But it is hard for her to deny self any gratification that will not touch her reputation.  Indulgence she has always had and we all feel a kind of pleasure in gratifying her.  Sooner would either of us sisters be afflicted and deny ourselves than see her if we could.  We direct a large party at the Col - Lovina looked pretty and appeared well. 

 

Dear Betsey, yes m[illegible] a party for L.

 

Sick; can’t go to Sister van Ander’s to see the yam[?] friends to night. 

 

[p.68]

March 12 1835

Read considerable congress and senate proceedings.  Feel much interest in the French question. Think the President has not showed all that caution which characterizes the lover of peace, But would not censure.  Like Mr Everett’s decision and affeverent precaution.  Think the men composing the Cabinet men of talent.  Wish they all had piety that they all might deliberate all questions with proper feelings towards each other and with due reference to the precepts of our Savior & the honor of his Glorious Name.  Have become so disgusted with party proceedings that I am ready to condemn both parties for a want of that sterling patriotism which should characterize American statesmen and seen even in the vainest misanthrope. 

 

[p.69]

What will be done to save our beloved country.  Oh that all who can pray for her interests with humble dependence on God, would pour forth the effectual prayers of the righteous, tithing all they have and all they are, until Salvation to God in the Highest should be inscribed on the four boundaries of our Union, and the light of truth eradicate all moral darkness from the mind of every inhabitant. 

 

This month I have been so destitute of health that I have had to live on labour or ambition almost without hope. 

 

Received a letter from my niece Helen Buell.  She writes well, composes admirably, not 11 till April 1st.  She tells me that the dear Lucinda, a sweet children of four, is gone to Heaven.  She hopes that is we have some reason to think so. 

 

[p.70]

My heart feels for the dear family.  I have had some personal trouble for a short time past, but this vanishes at the hand of God directing judgement.  Death comes into our families and takes away the tender plants only.  My parents are now 65 years old and they have reared nine children, the youngest 19.  All married but three.  Six lovely infants under six years old have been broken off and torn from the bosom of their parents, flowers early knipt [i.e. nipped] in the bud of childhood, soon transplanted from earth to heaven, as we fondly hope.  May we who survive them be submissive to these chastning strokes and not forget that we to must die.  What a changing world is this & how soon it passes away.  May I be ready for my departure. 

[p.71]

Perhaps these are but few whose conflicts are greater than mine, and but few would believe it, and all by reason of the peculiarity of them, or of my trials.  And I fear sometimes that I shall fall under them, and be crushed to death by them; as to my usefulness, I have but one resource, And if I despise this, I shall certainly perish.  My life has been one continual scene of self denial; no sooner have I succeeded in calming the surges of one wave of oceans life, than another dashes his proud waters against or over me and covers my fancied prosperity.  I sink for a little and sometimes almost drown, but I rise and rise till I conquer.  And begin to hope and smile and live again, but alas, it is only for a moment.  Some changes of Officers.  Just seen Col. Dunham, feel for his welfare very much indeed.  Mrs Dunham, dear woman, is much afflicted with sore eyes.  We have joy upstairs and I will

 

[p.72]

rejoice to.  Mr. Lewis has a little daughter this.

 

I have been sad a long time and I intend to be happy, let come what will come, for I must endure what I can’t cure, and it is worse than useless to sorrow continually.

 

Oh how I would gladly get rid of this unlovely self, but it follows me every where & inters into all my thoughts, and spoils all my comforts.  I often think of a remark of my dear departed Grandmother.  It was this (When I would be a little peevish and say I wish I had less to perplex me), her answer would be, “you will not get rid of self so easily.  Lucinda Foote will follow you where ever you go. Grow wiser and better my

 

[p.73]

dear child, then then you will be the more happy.” 

 

Just received an album as a present from a young friend.  A fine noble generous youth he is too.

 

Spent the evening with T Miller; found him quite interesting indeed.

 

Mr Foote & Mr. Adams called and spent the evening; had a good visit; conversed on spiritual things.  When I do thus, I do not feel that my time is lost. 

 

Read some, write some, but my time runs on without much benefit to my self.

 

Something troubles me at present.  Oh when shall I be free from sin, when be at rest.

 

[p.74]

April 28 1835

Just seen Charles Fitch, one of my early and choice friends.  I was driven[?] back to days and scenes long since gone by and almost forgotten.  Sad and pensive were my reflections after he left me.  Many have been the changes of my variegated life since I last met him as a youthful friend: his course has been even and prosperous as to honor and wealth; he has many years been a husband & Father, lived in the place of his childhood and youth, beloved and respected.  All he needs is piety; may he soon seek it, find it, to his joy and future consolation  This is a snowy day; I feel pretty well. 

 

My health is slowly returning.  I hope my spirits are better. 

 

Let come what will; if I can keep the mind well poised, I shall do well enough. 

 

[p.75]

May 6th 1835 

Time how swiftly it passes, and how little I accomplish.  May has gone, June 1st, expect soon to go home.

 

Went home June 4th 1835; found all things well; had a delightful visit.  Seven of we own brothers & sisters, two sisters in law, two brothers in law & six little ones were at home together to gladden our parents.  And we did rejoice and mingle our joys together.  Had Asa & Jared with their families been there, our joy for a moment would have been full, but I do anticipate meeting all the dear ones till I see them in the great day of the Lord.  Oh that we might all of us be wise & repent of our sin and believe on Christ to the saving of our souls, so that we may reign together in the paradise of God; this most of all I desire. 

 

[p.76]

My reflections are many but I cannot pen them as they rise.  My health is good for me, so much better that I walk to meeting occasionally.  My spirits are good; I have kind treatment from all about me.  My business goes on well, and if I was half [illegible] I would feel quite happy again.  I have felt happier for the last month than I have in the year that is gone. 

 

I am not as sober and serious as I should be; it is so natural for me to be talkative and wild, that I indulge in it to much.  I do lament it, and often promise my conscience that I will wound it no
more by such folly; Oh how hard it is for me to suppress my hylerity, especially when my health is good and spirit buoyant[?].

 

[p77]

I have no excuse for any wrong step or indiscretion for I know how to demean myself so as to avoid evil of every kind.  My life has been one continued course of discipline, and yet I never found so much cause of fault with self as I do now.  I used to think that after age had solaced[?] me, and after I had run the Christian course many years, I should be to near perfection that I should not be such a burden to myself - but the longer I live the more I see of my own sinfulness and guilt. 

 

See much company; get along very well; have some untold trials that I cannot avoid, but I can bear them without weakening the capacities of my mind.  June has gone and I am still here; three long years I have been in this dull and trying business.  I have learnt much of human nature, of depravity in all its degrees

 

[p.78]

and variation from those who like whited sepulchrer cover over their sin, and from others who, destitute of shame, show the heart in all its deformity.  During the summer & fall of 1835 my health was so bad that I took but little comfort in any thing.  I took care of my charge untill December 26th, and then with a struggle of mind that well nigh prostrated my body and soul, I gave it up.  I went home; there I found brother Buell and his children.  (His wife died Sept 22nd.)

 

[p.79]

August 4th 1835,

I went to Canada to see Brother Buell’s wife; found her just gone with consumption.  She was full of faith and love, and she died in the full triumph of faith, in the glorious hope of immortality through Christ.  My journey was full of incidents that I now remember, but I felt so much for brother in his deep affliction that all else deemed of little importance.  I went to Niagara Falls, spent six hours only, and I passed so rapidly from one thing to another that I cannot describe with accuracy the scenery that enchanted me, or the falling water, the grandure of which astonished me.  I saw many persons in my journey that interested me, & my health improved for a little, but my spirits were not much bettered.  September & my birth day passed by, then the other fall months and sickness & pain bore heavenly [so the word seems to be, perhaps heavily was meant] upon me. 

 

[p.80]

Jan. 1836

All was pain, sickness, & sorrow to me.  Brother Buell was sick at father’s, and it seemed to me that my parents, especially my dear mother, had more than her share of labour & care, And this weighed down my spirits exceedingly.  Lovina, my youngest sister, was married the third day of Feb to L.C. Wisewell, all lovely & beautiful, how it tore our hearts of love to give her to another, tho we all felt that she had made a good choice.  In March I was carried to my oldest sister’s & then I struggled with duty for my parents thought me almost wild.  I was sane, but almost driven to desperation as to my health.  One mighty effort more

 

[p.81]

I was determined to make, & if I failed, I felt that I must dispere [sic, i.e. despair].  Unbeknown to my parents, because they were wholy opposed to it, I went sixty miles from home to a botanic doct of whom I had heard.  At sundown, I arrived exhausted & disheartened.  The Doct gave me but little encouragement.  I staid 3 months, and then returned to my parents with improved health.  My father had sold his farm & was in an unsettled states as to worldly affairs.

 

[p.82-84 – blank]

 

[p.85 – entry written in pencil; difficult to read]

The[?] first[?] Day, Setember 1876[?]

Brother and Sister Gillem [or Gillen] went to [illegible]montville.  I was alone all day, had many reflections on my past life, felt no[? so?] sorrow for all my sins, my omissions of duty, and hope that my sorrow [illegible phrase].  Went to church at Jonesville yesterday.  A good sermon by Mr. Childs, from the words found in Exodus 42, verses 2-3, & Communion, it was solemn & comforting to me.  I hope that my wayward heart will be more [illegible] & believing in the future, always while I live.  Monday alone.  I have felt to trust in God for all of time & thine things and to look to him with full purpose of heart[?] for all spiritual goods.  [illegible] to[?] my dear friend Mrs. Hendrick.  L.F. Dey.

 

[p. 86-91 – blank]

 

[p.92]

[illegible heading, written in pencil]

But with a mind which might truly be said to have been so various, that it seemed to be not one but all [illegible] epitome.

 

[p.93]

Herin[?] Lucinda Foote - continues to note all the circumstances occuring from Oct 8th, 1846.

  Arose with great depression of spirit, & heartache [or headache], but what now, what now?  Who comes, I shrink from the meeting; can I go with him to the land of strangers?  Can I be a wife & mother, but can I say no?  Can I see him depart; how I love my parents, Can I leave them; Can I rend the bosom of my fond mother & break her heart; is it right?  Can I leave Lovina, dear afflicted sister; Can I leave so many dear ones?  What a struggle; two days pass away & I remain undetermined.  Mr Day is sober, says but little & that not to me.  I read his every desire in the sadness[?] of his countenance.  After much consultation with friends & relatives, much thought & prayer, I set myself down to converse with Mr Day on the subject of our union.  I learned all his views & feelings & all my own.  What a scene.  Now I am left to decide.  Ever fresh to my mind will that hour of untold interest be.  Directly before me sat one whom I had from early youth respected, whose whitened locks and furrowed brow was a trifle crown to the honor conferred upon him for his excellence & worth.  [illegible phrase]  I surrender my Self, to him to be his for life, and in the embrace of his affectionat was I received with a

 

[p.94]

[illegible] and an overflowing heart, which I hope never to regret, and may the Lord add his blessing, for we were on the 16 of that eventful month joined in wedlock’s happy bonds [or bands], and as we were so united to each other, so we may be united to the Bridegroom of Heaven as his Spiritual Bride.

 

[p. 95-97 – blank pages]

 

[p.98 – something about dollars and shillings]

 

[p.99 – some numbers and monetary amounts]

 

[p.100-108 – genealogy notes; some of the notes were written across the double page spreads, and notes were added in available spaces, not where they properly belong.  To make better sense of these notes, they have been transcribed in proper order, not in order as found in the volume.]

 

Jared Foote 2d born Sept. 30, 1770.

Lucinda Jennings, Sept. 19, 1771.

They were married in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, Berkshire Co., in Nov. 25, 1790.

In five years after marriage, they had 3 daughters & a son.  They all died in infancy 91, 92, 93, 94.

 

Asa Killbrun[?] Buell, son of Jephah & Dosha[?] Buell, was given to Jared & Lucinda Foote when he was six months old. 

Asa Killburn Buell was born in Dalton, Berkshire Co., Mass., June 9, 1792.

Asa K. Buell was truly a blessing to his foster parents & they[?] by whom he was beloved & regarded as a son & brother.  He early became pious, was a scholar, possessing fine talents, and after laboring in the ministry successfully & acceptably 15 years, rested from his work.  He died of consumption.

 

Asa K. Buell married to Maria Brooke in Aurora, Cayuga Co., N.Y., April;

Maria Buell died in [illegible] Sept.

Asa K. Buell died in [illegible] Jan.[?] 29, 1837, near [illegible], Cayuga Co., NY.

 

Jared Foote Jun. had a strong unyielding mind, moulded his own way, strictly conscientious[?].  He became a successful practitioner[?] of medicine & a useful citizen.

 

Jared Foote 3d born July 12, 1795, married Eliza Ann Clarke of Scipio, Cayuga Co., N.Y., January 8, 1826.

[their children:]

Marcia Foote, born Oct. 21, 1826;

Elizabeth Ann Foote, born March 21, 1828;

Darwin Foote, born Oct. 21, 1829, a boy of uncommon promise, died Jan. 25, 1840;

Lovina Foote, born Sept. 15, 1831;

Mary Foote, March[?] born March 25, 1834;

Clark Foote born July 2d, 1836, died May 9, 1839;

Lucinda Foote, Nov. 14, 1838, most lovely, died Oct. 4, 1841;

Caroline born August 5, 1841;

Jared Foote, born Jan. 4, 1844.

 

David Foote, born Oct. 1797, in Pittsfield, Berkshire Co., Mass.  David Foote 6 child and 3 son of Jared & Lucinda Foote.

David Foote married H* Champlain of Auburn, Cayuga Co., NY, 1827;

*Hannah Maria Champlain, born March 23, 1803.

[their children:]

George Champlain Foote first, born in Auburn, Nov. 16, 1825; George C. Foote married Sarah Merett[?] (born Oct. 1, 1826) of Schenectady, Dec. 9, 18[cut off].  George C. Foote graduated at Union Col., Schenectady, Aug. 1844.

Charles Foote born June & died in July of the same year 1826.

Charles Jennings Foote born Dec. 25, 1831.

 

Lucinda Foote, born Sept. 30, 1799, in Cornwall, Addison Co., Vermont. 

Lucinda Foote was married Oct. 16, Friday at 9 in the morning 1846, to Judge Henry Day, attorney at law, Indiana, Kosciusko Co.

Lucinda Foot lived an adventurous life of great usefulness, in favor with herself & friends, a positively a contented old maid.

 

Anna Foot, born March 8, 1802, in Cornwall, Addison Co., Vt.  She died Nov.

 

Eli Foote, born Oct. 1803. 

Married Lucy Olmstead of Sempronius.

 

Otis Clark Foote, born 1807, in Cornwall, Addison Co., Vt.  Married Lucy [illegible] of Middlesex.

[their children, from p.101:]

Lucy Kosett[?] Foote, August 22, 1846, died an infant child of Otis C. Foote and was buried 24 of August.  The funeral discourse delivered by Rev. M. Huter[?] from a passage found in the 4 cht. Of Thessalonians & eleventh verse.

Otis C. Foote departed this life the September 1, 1845.  The text for the discourse found in Numbers, the words of Balam [i.e. Balaam], Let me see the death of the Lord[?]. 

 

Anna Foote, born Feb. 6, 1809, in Cornwall, Addison Co., Vt. 

Married John P. Gillem[?] of Ledyard, Cayuga Co., N.Y.

 

Betsy Foote, born August 4, 1811, in Cornwall, Addison Co., Vermont.

Married Lewis Vanander of Auburn, Cayuga Co., NY.

 

Lovina Foote, born April 11, 1815, in the town of Scipio, Cayuga Co., N.Y.

Married Loyal Case Wisewell of Rushville, Yates Co., NY.  They were married Feb. 3d, 1836. 

L.C. Wisewell was born Sept. 20, 1809, in Whiting, Vt.

[names and birth years of their children are written in pencil on p. 106, difficult to read and not transcribed]

 

[p.108]

Asa K. Buell was a young man of much promise, but of feeble health.  Had received a liberal education and was for fifteen years a successful minister of the Gospel, a Calvinistic Presbyterian of the new school.  H died of consumption 22 months after his beloved & worthy companion[?] who died also of consumption.  They lived together 12 years & a half.  They had seven children, two sons dying in infancy.  Their second & last

 

Helen B. was born in Aurora, Cayuga Co., NY, April first.

 

She walked & talked young, learnt fast, had an uncommon memory, reasoned always with great strength of mind, had a quick[?] [illegible] of propriety in most things, and yet, she had a wayward disposition, hard to control, but good when controlled right[?].  [Last two words are written going up the gutter.]

 

[p.109]

Young ladies, do we all know where lies the hidden pearl?  And are we all in earnest pursuit of it?  Then let us manifest a zeal that airs[? i.e. errs?] not, and an interest surmounting every obstacle.  Let not a want of due honor, a fear of detection[?] discourage or prevent us in our onward [illegible].  While some excel, let none envy or cease their effort, but all march in steady pursuit till our exersion [exertion] meet a just reward.  Then pearl in hand, we will call the honor, our conquest we have gained, a prize, a diadem of sparkling beauty shall crown our heads.  With worth & virtue that time shall continually brighten.  Our teacher is not this [illegible phrase] link enough of kindness, worth, & talent too.  So speed us on our ways.  Look on that lamp of light in younder pathway, a [illegible] to[?] lead[?] us onward, our teachers past[?] there; it points us toward the pearl.  See not it?  Then let us be wise and shun the path of folly.  For none but those who seek for wisdom can find out knowledge of worthy[?] invention.  This is the hidden pearl.  It lies in some deep mountain stread, whose waters break over craggy rocks, come foaming, tumbling, threading[?] down.

 

[back flyleaf]

[one side: names Sarah, Mary, Samuel written, several times]

[other side: something written in pencil, not easy to read:]

 

O William the Conqueror

No [illegible] attend[?] him, no Scot[?] disordered, no sloth[?] delayed.

The majesty of his [illegible] never let down. O you  [illegible] or indecent [illegible].  His temperance and his chastity[?] were constant [illegible] that kept his mind [illegible] meekness, supported his dignity[?] and kept it always on the [illegible].